I'm Not Having A Go Or Anything, But...

I'm aware that it's a very boring thing to go on about how "music is no good anymore," but I've noticed recently that guitar music these days seems to have a severe lack of messianic nut-cases that used to be so common back in the day. For example, Iggy Pop and Jim Morrison. Indeed, quite stereotypically for a student (WELL I'M NOT A STUDENT ANYMORE ACTUALLY) I've been getting into The Doors a bit recently, and I've noticed that the singer Jim Morrison was something of a charismatic fellow. What I'm trying to say is if Jim Morrison got into a charisma fight with say, a certain Mr. Peter Doherty, I wouldn't fancy the-fattest-junkie-of-all-time's chances that much.
Now, rather than just have a tedious and unproductive moan about this crisis, I am willing to suggest some possible solutions. The first and foremost is the prohibition of any more bands such as Good Shoes from forming. They're not doing anybody any favours. They sing songs about a place that they come from called Morden that they HATE because it's shit. This strikes me as a fundamental error in their songwriting.
JUST IMAGINE if Jim Morrison wrote lyrics like "My area's a bit rough, I don't like it that much, I'd feel more comfortable in general if my area was a bit more well-to-do...YEAAAHHHH! COME AAWWN!!"
He wouldn't have gone down in history as the legend he is, would he? Certainly not. He went down in history as the legend he is because he sung songs like 'Love Me Two Times,' which if I'm not mistaken is a song about engaging in hanky-panky/coitus/sex with a young lady not once, but TWICE. Now boys of Good Shoes (which is also a shit name admit it), take note here. He's writing songs about sex, which immediately is far more interesting and good than a crap place in England that you're from.
So yeah there's one of my suggestions, get rid of them lot and any more of their ilk, they're giving guitar music the bad name that it's been branded with these days.
What we need basically is a version of Lady GaGa for indie music, but a version that doesn't do shit songs and that. My proposal is that we assemble the new hope of indie with science. Did you hear recently that some scientist guy created an artificial cell? This presents us with many possibilities. What we should do is give him a ring and ask him if he can create us some uber-mental representative of indie culture who does banging tunes.
"I don't think you understand, this technology is very much in the fledgling stages of development...we're nowhere near the stage of being able to create an entire human being, and even then it would raise all sorts of ethical issues..."
"No mate I don't think you understand, I just want you to make a bloke (or woman!) who's mentally charismatic and talented to bring indie out of the depths it's been pummeled into by dubstep and the like. I think they ought to be part Iggy Pop, part Jim Morrison, part Kate Bush..."
"Look I just told you it isn't possible..."
"Why?"
"....Well for a start why are you ruling me out as this successor to the throne of indie?"
(A long silence)
"What do you mean?"
"Well I'm a pretty good singer. And you can ask my mates, I'm really charismatic. One thing somebody said to me once was that when I walk into a room, women look at me, and men try not to look at me because they don't wanna seem gay or whatever."
"...Well okay but I don't really think..."
"Look I'll come over in a minute and show you how good I am at singing."
So yeah the scientist guy shows up and he's fucking amazing, he's got Rod Stewart's voice and is so mental that half of the vicinity is destroyed in the process of his performance, so the problem's solved without having to create a scientific monstrosity. He goes out and saves the day, immediately making people like Kele from Bloc Party and Ryan from The Cribs seem ridiculously unnecessary, and consequently they are politely told to fuck off. Also, I make a bit of money out of it because I'm his manager so I get 10% of everything he earns. Yeah, I'm raking it in by this stage. Really rich.
See ya later.