Fruit vs. Vegetables

It all started when Strawberry started slagging off Aubergine's mum, which caused Aubergine to cry like a fucking idiot and run and tell Pumpkin. Pumpkin is the earth-grown equivalent of a massive skinhead.
"What was that little ponce saying?" Pumpkin growls.
"He said my mum is a delicate perennial often cultivated as an annual that grows 40 to 150 cm (16 to 57 in) tall, with large coarsely lobed leaves that are 10 to 20 cm (4–8 in) long and 5 to 10 cm (2–4 in) broad!"
"....Well that's pretty much exactly right though isn't it?"
"Well yeah but it was still bang out of order to say it, though," Aubergine protests. So, Pumpkin strolls over to Strawberry, who's chatting up a proper fit Pineapple and smoking whilst wearing shades and shit.
"What you been saying about my boy?" Pumpkin says, all intimidating like, which causes the Pineapple to scram but Strawberry isn't phased.
"I said that he's botanically classified as a berry, and contains numerous small, soft seeds, which are edible. And he fuckin' knows it," says Strawberry, exhaling loads of smoke into Pumpkin's face. Pumpkin goes mental at this and nuts Strawberry, which causes an all-out Fruit vs. Vegetable war.
Now the question I'm presenting to you is this, who would you support? Who does you the most favours? I'd go for fruit personally coz they taste nicer and have more exotic sounding names. Case in point: Kumquat. That's a fucking mental name. And then you've got tons of vegetables with fucking stupid sounding names like Cabbage. What a waste of space Cabbage is anyway really, it doesn't taste very nice and smells bad when you boil it. I'm not joking, it stinks out the fucking kitchen. How dare such a bland substance have such a ridiculously potent smell? Cabbage is essentially the vegetable equivalent of the slow person in the class at school was still doing colouring in when everybody else was doing their times-tables.
Cabbage would be one of the first of the casualties, literally getting held down by Melon and punched in the stomach by Pear. However, at this point Marrow strolls out of his council estate with a 2x4 with a nail through it, and things are looking bad for the fruit as he absolutely slaughters Lychee, despite his hard outer shell.
"You rarely-eaten exotic shit!" he bellows. He's a prize-winning Marrow as well, literally massive.
"Where the fuck is Apple?" cries Banana, who's place amongst the fruit army is under debate anyway because there's been whispers about him technically being a nut or a pulse or something like that. His counter-argument was 'Yeah but I sit in a fuckin' fruit bowl don't I?' and which point everybody was urged to 'leave it out'.
Yeah, Apple's the big player with the fruit. He's literally a legend, gets all the girls and has a fast car and shit. Gets in for free in clubs.
Then.....just as Marrow, Pumpkin and Potato surround the only fruit left standing.....Apple zooms in on his motorbike.
"I said I'd come didn't I?" Apple says, in the voice of Clint Eastwood. He then shoots the hefty vegetables to shit with a massive shotgun and says some sort of cool one-liner, but because he's quite far away from the rest of them they can't hear it, so he sort of wasted his breath really.
So yeah, I think fruit are better than vegetables. Tune in next week for Meat vs. Coal.