An Account Of The First Ever Lament

I take you to the days just after Adam and Eve got booted out of the Garden of Eden, which shall hereby by referred to as 'The Slightly Shit Age'.
So yes, thanks to Eve being a stupid bint (although to be honest the Bible was written in a ridiculously patriarchal time so we can't take its version of the events as fact, it might have actually been Adam's fault) humanity is left to wander about just outside the Garden of Eden, with nothing to do really. One particular human feels somewhat down about this situation. He has taken to wandering the wastes alone, reflecting upon his life, his emotions, and his current situation. His insular mood has progressed to the stage that he even feels the need to speak his thoughts aloud....
And, thus...history is made....
He puts a weary hand to his brow and lets forth what shall henceforth become known as a 'lament'.
"Oh woe is me; I long for my younger carefree days when I toiled in the luscious meadows of the Garden of Eden. My soul was brighter then, and my ambitions intact, untouched by the grounding realities of responsibility. Now, here I stand, a wearied and disillusioned 'man', with not a place nor a purpose..." he says in a really fucking moany voice. Another human overhears this thoroughly self-indulgent monologue and feels compelled to comment.
"What the fuck was that all about mate?" he asks, quite bluntly.
"Hmm?" the lamenter in question enquires.
"What you did just then. You kept going on about stuff to yourself in a melancholic fashion. I just wondered what the fuck that was all about?"
"Oh. Urm, I dunno really. I just felt a bit like....lamenting," he explains. Having to think on his feet for the word to describe this new activity, he glanced around and saw a lamp and a bag of cement, and combined the two words in haste. If you want to know what a lamp and a bag of cement were doing in this particular area at this particular time, press your red button now.
"Shouldn't you be doing something more useful with your time?" the man asks.
"Well what's it got to do with you anyway?"
"Well nothing I suppose, it just seemed like it was a bit of a waste of time."
God overhears this altercation and feels the need to step in.
"I'm going to have to stop you there, lamenting is a perfectly acceptable thing to do and I'm grateful for this young fellow for inventing it. Shakespeare is going to make an entire fucking career out of it one day, and without him people would have nothing to talk about in English GCSE classes, and thus the educational system would collapse," God explains. However, he only went and forgot that not everybody is omniscient, so the two humans are well and truly unimpressed by his listing of a whole bunch of things that haven't fucking happened yet.
"What are you on about mate?" one of them asks.
"Yeah, first you boot us out of the Garden of Eden for pretty much doing fuck all, admit it, and now you come down here and just talk a load of bollocksing shit. Where do you get off? What is your problem?" the other asks. Red-faces all round for the one-and-only God at this point.
"Urm...nah I was just saying leave it out coz lamenting is good, so..." he stammers, shuffling his feet.
From this point on, the muted silence of 'The Slightly Shit Age' was filled by the thousands of laments from its many occupants. Some were better than others. An example of a lament from a somewhat dim-witted human goes as follows: "This isn't as good as other things that have happened. I think I prefer some other stuff, but I dunno. I just feel a bit down."
However, things swiftly changed when somebody invented air hockey and the foundations of civilization as we know it were developed from this starting point. Over and out.