If there is a God almighty who's omnipotent and all that jazz, why doesn't he ever occasionally have a little fun and completely change the laws of physics every week or so? Surely if God's been alive and well for eternity he must be a bit bored by now. I'm only 20 and I'm starting to find many a-thing quite fucking boring, so imagine how he/she/Nadia-from-Big-Brother feels!
So yes, working with the idea that there IS definitely a God despite everything Richard Dawkins says (more like Richard DORK-ins, are you with me??!) I propose that God changes the laws of physics to the extent that once you build a snowman it stays there instead of melting when it gets a bit hotter. Just imagine it, you could built the most elaborate snowman of all time and he'd be there FOREVER. You look out your window, he's there. You go to the toilet, he's there. You watch Snog Marry Avoid, he's right there with you calling the girls on it "disgusting orange slags that should be ashamed of themselves." How good would that be?
Then again there might be unforeseen circumstances, such as the possibility of your status in society being dictated by how good your snowman is.
"Oy, Kirk! You fucking loser!" says a person.
"....What's going on, why am I being called a loser, I don't go to school anymore."
"Yeah but your snowman is shit, he looks like a queer nonce."
"How do you mean?"
"He hasn't got coals for eyes like my one, he's only got holes that you poked with your finger. What's that all about? Nobody's eyes look like that. You gay bender."
"Well nobody's eyes look like coals either."
(At this point the person just does a 'bothered' gesture and goes about his business, leaving me emotionally distraught and confused.)
So yeah I suppose that could be a backlash of the proposed snowman-related amendment to the laws of physics, but if God is so FUCKING omni-benevolent (try and say that really quickly) then he'd make another change to the laws of physics to right this wrong, such as by making that nasty person's snowman horrifically assault him or something.
....
Look leave me alone alright I'm not a fucking politician.
Anyway yeah wouldn't it be good if there definitely was a God and he used his powers to do useless stuff like that instead of getting rid of all the evil in the world and stuff? That's what I'd do I reckon, or just stroll into a pub and steal everybody's pint knowing that they couldn't do fuck-all back because I'd wipe them from the very fabric of existence.
I wonder what a snowman's favourite sort of food would be?
(Somebody jokingly suggests ice-cream)
What? Why? I don't get it.
Friday, 26 March 2010
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