And Thus, Humpty-Dumpty Joined the Queue at the Dole Office

They never specified what Humpty-Dumpty's job was before he went and sat on that wall and took a fucking drop did they? I suppose it might have slowed down the pace of the nursery rhyme somewhat, similar to how some director's cuts of films can result in the film feeling bloated and aimless. But still, I would've liked to have known whether or not Humpty-Dumpty was a good hard-working member of our society or simply a leech on the tax-payer's money, just as I am going to be as soon as I leave university (if I don't shoot/hang/drown myself first), so I'd know how sorry to feel for him when he smashes into loads of pieces.
My feeling is that he was fucking unemployed. I mean think about it, he's a massive egg. That's all he would've had to put on his CV isn't it really? "I'm a massive egg."
It's not as if eggs go and get GCSEs or anything like that, they're too busy sitting in cardboard egg-crates or inside the egg rack of a fridge. It's just that Humpty-Dumpty decided to take the liberty of giving himself an identity and becoming a 'person'. That's a bit cheeky of him isn't it? It's the same principle as your cat one day decided to press charges against you for confining him in a house against his will, or for picking him up without his permission.
"Rape!!" the cat yells as you stroke it.
"It wasn't, I was stroking you," you protest.
"Did I say you could though?"
"Well no but you're a cat."
"So? Oooh you wait till my solicitor hears about this."
See, that'd be shit wouldn't it? And I imagine that the people who were around in Humpty-Dumpty's time thought it was just as shit when he joined the queue at the dole office, as if he's entitled to. He'd be standing there all sheepish like, taking up loads of room because of his enormous circumference, hoping nobody notices him. Inevitably, disapproving whispers would begin all around him.
"He's not even from round here...."
"Should be in an omelette...."
"Look at his fucking face...."
How cruel the human race can be. But then again, I'm taking their side, because I'm a human, not a fucking egg. I imagine it was these harsh comments in the dole office that provoked the bastard to sit on that wall all upset in the first place. Could've even been a hateful member of the BNP who pushed him off, who knows?
It's none of my business, all I'm saying is women are inferior to men.
(Kirk gets pelted with rotten fruit)