A terrible blight has afflicted our society. It has seeped into the fabric of our community so quickly and with such force that many of us do not even recognise it as the terrible disease that it really is. It goes by the name of 'Ugg Boots'. Yes, indeed, you know of what I speak. That most awful of items, the fashionable clothing accessory, but one that is far more terrible than any preceeding it. The reason for this, is this......
They look shit. They look fucking stupid.
I'm sure many of you will disagree with me, because a great number of you may be unfortunate enough to own a pair. But consider this for just one moment, they look fucking awful. No matter how elegant, graceful or beautiful the owner, Ugg Boots will have no trouble in making your calfs and ankles look like those of a swollen hippopotamus with no friends. 'Tis but the truth.
And the worst thing about it all is, they make no attempt at hiding their ugliness. You would have thought such a sinister and cruel boot would attempt to disguise its evil with an attractive name, as the Venus Fly Trap tempts its victims with a sweet smell, but it doesn't even do this. It has that little respect for you. Instead it forces itself into your life in all its abhorrent, fat and garish anti-glory under the clumsy banner of 'Ugg', a word which connotates nought but awfulness.
Now, I'm not saying they're not comfortable or warm. No, no, I'm sure they are. I'm sure their frequent appearance of late is due to the low temperatures, and the harsh elements. But answer me this, would you rather have slightly cold feet or look like a fucking tosser?
Ugg Boots are a scam, comparable to pyramid schemes, designed only to rid you of your hard-earned (or stolen) money and make your feet look swollen in the process. The next time you see an Ugg Boot I want you to remember what I've said. Free yourself from their grasping terror.
Yours sincerely,
The Creator of the Ugg Boot
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