Assigned Topic: Oranges

Brief: Write a blog about oranges.
Assigned by Jonathan Paul Lennon

The Note: Oranges are arguably a fruit. However, fruits are often arguably a vegetable (see 'Tomatoes'). So therefore, arguably, debate-ably, theoretically, oranges belong neither here nor there in terms of category. This puts oranges in a somewhat awkward position philosophically. If one were to 'eat' an orange, what are we actually consuming, and what does this tell us about our society?
Socratizzle, Socrates' somewhat unknown and far more 'street' cousin and fellow philosopher, offered this musing: "An orange is the pinnacle of creation. It transcends a category, just as God does. Therefore, an orange is the true incarnation of God. I eat an orange, therefore I am an orange. I think?"
Following this school of thought came the movement of Orange-ism. Orange-ists were renowned for their high regard of anything orange. This ranged from oranges, blood oranges (only the skin), certain grapefruits (this was a shady area and frowned upon by Orthodox Orange-ists), council workers' fluorescent jackets, and so on. Also, they began wearing a fuckload of fucking orange. This, inevitably, caused uproar. Orange is a vivid and somewhat extreme colour, too vivid and extreme for some tastes, and so when the general public is visually assaulted by a group of marching orange-clad socialists they can become somewhat perturbed.
"Well it's too much bloody orange, isn't it?"
This provoked a violent reaction against the Orange-ists. Like-minded people gathered together and drew up a manifesto for a new opposing movement to these orangey fuckers. These new activists were for some fucking reason called 'the Orange Men'. Bizarrely, almost none of the members of this movement were even 'men'. Not that gender matters, does it?
But anyway, violent clashes between these opposing parties occurred, despite neither of them having any political views outside of the regard and wearing of the colour orange.
Here is a quote of a moving anti-riot speech given by the current Prime Minister of the time:
"People of Britain. I ask you, as a fellow Briton, to stop this madness. Oranges are just a fruit, they are not a justifiable cause for violence. We can all fly under one banner, under the banner of Great Britain, and of peace....."
However, he was interrupted here by an Orange-ist who asked:
"But Prime Minister, oranges resent being lumped into the category of 'fruit'. It is a highly vague and general term, and not something people should be judged for their merits by. You wouldn't categorise someone for their race, would you?"
"No, of course I wouldn't. But oranges ARE a fruit."
"He said it again!"
"....But...but they are! They're just a fucking fruit for fucking fuck's sake."
"You dirty fascist! Brothers! To arms!"
At this moment the Orange-ists went fucking apeshit and smashed a few windows. Unfortunately for them, those windows happened to belong to Ross Kemp, who consequently went apeshit and headbutted a few Orange-ists and set fire to a market stall selling oranges. For some reason the Orange Men were completely absent from this incident, the reasons for which have never been properly given.

At the end of the day we're all a fucking fruit though aren't we for fuck's sake?

By the way, who do you think the phone company Orange is actually funded by? Something for you to think about there.