I WANNA BE A COWBOY WHEN I'M OLDER

What did you lot want to be when you grow up? You can probably guess from the title of this motherf**king note that for a brief time I wanted to a cowboy. Which is fucking ridiculous.
I reckon if I actually knew that a 'cowboy' is essentially a glorified version of a farmer then I reckon I would've thought otherwise. Not actually that much rootin' and tootin' involved, probably.
"Did you, urm, did you buck all the barley, Jim?"
".....Yeah. Yeah I did Sam."
Oh Christ that very nearly took a very Brokeback Mountain-esque turn. Brokeback Mountain has meant that essentially no cowboys are ever perceived as heterosexual any more, doesn't it?
Another thing I wanted to be when I grew up was like a karate master or something, coz I used to play Street Fighter 2 Turbo on the Super Nintendo. But, upon attending karate classes I quickly realised that not many fireballs are actually involved. It was bloody shit to be perfectly honest.
But imagine a cowboy karate master, he'd be practically fucking invincible wouldn't he? Unless maybe a ninja pirate turned up.
"Hey! Does Billy the Karate Kid drink around here?" says the ninja pirate as he storms into the saloon.
"You're talkin' about me." he says as he stands up. He's wearing some mad fucking outfit like a karate belt around leather trousers and a cowboy hat with a ying-yang on it and shit. Don't even get me started on what the ninja pirate looks like. He looks like something from the 80s.
"Well, you've met your match." he says. Everyone thinks it's gonna be a duel. But, turns out it isn't, they arranged to meet on one of those dating websites and they reckon they're a perfect match. They get happily civil-partnered or whatever the term is and buy a lovely ranch somewhere. SEE? IT HAPPENED AGAIN!!!! CURSE YOU ANG LEE WITH YOUR HEART-BREAKING SLOW-PACED OSCAR-MAGNET!
Who do you think would win in a fight out of Blackbeard the pirate and Alexander the Great? Obviously Blackbeard! Although he might get distracted by a bullion or something. Or, Alexander the Great might get distracted by his mum who he had sex with. That was pretty fucking weird of him, wasn't it?