Saturday, 21 November 2009

Current Affairs

I'm sure you've all heard of the latest epidemic, SWINE FLU. I prophecise it shan't be long before people start becoming a 'fan' of something like "Swine flu is rubbish!" on Facebook.
"yer well itz killin al da pigs an i fink dats well out of order innit? but aint swine flu a funny name tho lol :D xx"

I'll tell you something, I pray for the day when there's a flu which eliminates every dickhead in the world. It'd be called....yes...."dickhead
flu".
This would be the news announcement: 'A bloody wicked epidemic has reached England and has begun wiping out every dickhead in the country mercilessly. Some victims include Mark Ronson, Johnny Borrell (he's cut his fucking hair have you seen that?) and Jo Brand, because she isn't fucking funny is she?'
However, moments after this announcement the news reporter would catch it because he pushed an old lady over once which warrants him the title of 'dickhead'.
Ever wondered what sort of acts could immediately warrant you as a dickhead? If the epidemic did occur, the government would have to put out a public announcement about how to best avoid becoming a dickhead and therefore being susceptible to the deadly virus.
"Avoid wearing tracksuit bottoms tucked into socks, do not under any circumstances use ketchup on a roast dinner, never proclaim that you are 'well random and a bit mad'...." and so on and so forth.
Speaking of people saying they are 'well random and a bit mad', are they aware that by declaring themselves as such they immediately lose the respect of every single person in the immediate area? Maybe they do it on purpose to stir things up.
Perhaps they're anarchists........
Good God, they're plotting the overthrow of the world. Their world would involve everybody repeating the songs from The Mighty Boosh, and saying words like 'cupboard' out of context because they're so fucking random and mad. But, "dickhead flu" would wipe them out anyways so I suppose I haven't got that much to worry about really have I?

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