A Spooky Post-Halloween Ghost Story

It was a cold, misty night in the graveyard, and the general atmosphere was one of spookiness. The moon was full as fuck, and there was fuckloads of spooky owls everywhere hooting as well. Basically, if you were unfortunate enough to be out and about in the graveyard on this particularly spooky night, you'd be shitting it.
BUT! One solitary soul was indeed out and about in that graveyard that very night......none other than the one and only Martin Kemp, who used to be in Spandau Ballet and then he was in the film biopic of The Krays and then he was Steve in Eastenders and then he was in a DFS advert and now he's in Spandau Ballet again. Clearly a busy man, then, but nonetheless he'd found the time in his life to go for a leisurely stroll through his local graveyard. Only when he reached the graveyard and saw how fucking SPOOKY it was did he regret his decision. He pulled his coat collar up and hurried along so as to get this walk over with as soon as possible, or ASAP if you've got less time.
"Christ. Fucking spooky in here." he says to himself, and he used to be in Spandau Ballet and everything. He wasn't the singer though, he was the bass player. Just saying. That doesn't actually affect the narrative in any shape or form but I feel as if it was worth knowing.
Now unfortunately for him, the graveyard's atmosphere didn't improve to the levels of 'slightly creepy' or 'a bit weird', it in fact only worsened and stooped down to the levels of 'shit-scary' or even 'fucking freaky-as'. This occurred when a few bats decided to fly out of the mother-fucking belfry of the church.
"Fuck that." Martin says. Bats always did shit him up a bit, but combined with mist and owls it was all too much. He quickened his pace to a run, he knew something bad was about to go down, BUT HE WAS TOO BLOODY LATE!
That's right, a bloody ghost shows up and scares the fucking shit out of him.
The moral of this story is this, if you're Martin Kemp I'd advise you not to carry out your routine walk of a graveyard if you haven't first properly inspected the site to make sure whether or not it's likely to end up in you getting scared shitless, because it'll cause a problem for your bandmates when it comes to their reformation tour.
Ring-ring goes his phone the next day.
"Alright Martin! Or should I say Reggie Kray, or Steve from Eastenders! HAHAAHAAAAA!! It's Tony Hadley here, singer from your band, Spandau Ballet. So, you ready for our sell-out tour?"
"You've gotta be joking mate, I was out walking in a graveyard last night..."
"Why?"
"I fancied a walk that's all."
".....Right. Not the sort of behaviour I'd expect from a DFS salesman, but okay."
"So yeah, I was walking through the graveyard but it turned out to be a big mistake because it was really bloody scary in there and a ghost jumped out and stuff."
"You're joking."
"Nah, dead serious. A real fucking ghost."
"Who was it of?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well who's ghost was it? It had to have been somebody's."
"Oh. Well I don't know. He had a sheet on, like."
"But you're assuming it was a 'he'? That's a bit sexist, mate."
"Oh no no I didn't mean it like that."
"How did you mean it then?"
"Well I don't know it just came out like that, I didn't think."
"Well just consider that next time, alright? So you didn't find out who's ghost it was then?"
"Well, no. As I said it had a sheet on. Besides it probably wouldn't have been a famous guy or anything it's just a normal graveyard...."
"Martin, you just did it again mate. Who said it was a 'guy'? Are you saying a woman isn't capable of being a ghost?"
"Look, shut up. Point is, I can't do the tour, I'm still too shook-up from the ghost incident, REGARDLESS OF GENDER."
"Oh alright mate. No worries, we'll just get Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers on bass instead."
"Yeah cool fair play."
"Laters."

Yeah, pretty spooky story, eh?