FIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!

Imagine if you were walking home one time and you see a fight ahead of you, and as you get closer you realise it's literally Jesus and the Devil. But, because it's real life, the fight is literally awful and mainly involves the guys trying to get the other in a headlock. I don't get why fights in real life can't be a bit better, maybe the human race has evolved to think instinctively that a headlock is the best way of beating someone in a fight. I swear it's rubbish though, it doesn't even hurt that much. Mind you, Jesus and the Devil aren't exactly human are they? So it wouldn't be too much to ask for them to have a better fight with some punches in the face or something.
"Jesus you cunt you've ruined my fucking jacket!" says the Devil. Yeah unfortunately the Devil chose to wear his favourite jacket this particular day. Do you ever get that, when you're not doing anything to warrant you wearing your favourite jacket but you wear it anyway, to make yourself feel a little bit better? Yeah, the Devil gets that too. People always just assume he's really full of himself because he's the epitome of all evil, but ACTUALLY he's got quite a lot of self confidence issues.
Before he left the house he was fiddling with his hair for ages because he couldn't get it to look right. He had a major crisis and actually said "I'm so fucking ugly" out loud. If anyone was around to see it they probably would have thought he was quite weird. Shouldn't talk to yourself should you, really?
But anyway, the fight. So far it looks as if Jesus has the upper hand, because a few weeks ago he started attending karate classes and he gives the Devil a bit of a stylish maneuver which results in him being thrown to the ground and looking like a fucking mug. At this point the Devil goes bright red out of sheer embarrassment. Unfortunately for him, a couple of satanists are walking past at this point and because he looks so fucking stupid they literally rethink their entire religious outlook.
"Might be a Buddhist instead maybe."
"Yeah well Buddha would cane Jesus in a fight wouldn't he?"
"I reckon so."
If only life were as simple as that, where you only decide to like somebody if they could beat other people in a fight. WHEN WILL HUMANS LEARN TO GOVERN THEIR EMOTIONS?
They won't. And neither will the Devil for that matter. By the way, because this is modern day Jesus has had a proper make over. If you were imagining him with long hair, a beard and a robe you were fucking wrong. He went to a really chavvy barbers and got one of those haircuts where you use fuckloads of wet-look gel and have it spiked up but then a weird little fringe. Remember when literally everybody got that haircut? Those were the days.