The Trials of Pierce Brosnan

It was a cold, cold night. Something like 4 degrees centigrade. Not sure what that works out as in fahrenheit, it's sort of a weird system and I don't fully understand it to be perfectly honest.
But yes, indeed, 'twas a cold night. Pierce Brosnan, former James Bond is making his way home from a hard day at the mine. Yep, he's so hard up after getting replaced by Daniel Craig that he has to work his arse off in a fucking mine.
"Mr. Brosnan, are there any hard feelings between you and Daniel Craig?"
"Daniel who?"
".......Daniel Craig. You know, the new Bond?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCKING FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." (that was an extract of an interview with Nuts magazine. Just so happens to be his favourite magazine as well so the blow was even harder)
Anyways, back to the bloody cold night. Mind you, it's not the coldest night of all time, but quite enough to prompt you to wear a coat or scarf or something.
Pierce spots something up ahead in the distance. He can't quite make it out just yet but it appears to be some kind of cow in trouble or something.
"Wonder what that could be?"
He gets there to find that he was bloody right. It's a cow in trouble.
"Poor cow, I'd better help it out."
It appeared to be stuck in a gate (yeah by the way this takes place in the countryside. He's hardly gonna see a cow in trouble in the suburbs is he???), and he approached it cautiously.
"Are you alright?" he asks. Bit strange isn't it, why would you ask a cow something like that? But, by some miracle, this is the only cow in the country that can talk so he replies.
"I'm bloody stuck in this gate aren't I!!!" (there is a pause) ".....wait a minute. You're Pierce Brosnan!"
Pierce smiles and expects the usual barrage of compliments about him being handsome or rugged or charming or some shit. HOWEVER, this is not what he receives.
"Hard luck bout the James Bond thing, mate. Oh and also, in Madam Doubtfire you're the wife's new boyfriend aren't you? Fucking harsh."
This is all too much for Pierce to bear and he's all like "Shu'up man!"
The cow's having none of this, it has a swing at him but luckily misses. Pierce runs home.
"What a shit day." he says. And he's fucking freezing.
At this point Daniel Craig drives past in a Bentley with a fuckload of women and cool people in the car with him. Pierce tuts.