The Night of the Terrifying Turkey

I don't know about any of you lot, but I've come to the conclusion that turkeys are actually quite fucking terrifying. I'd been suppressing this issue for quite some time, but now's the time to confront it.

---------------It was a cold September night (yes, it's always September isn't it), and Kirk was sleeping soundly in his comfortable, warm bed. BUT, all was not well, coz there was a fucking turkey outside his window wasn't there!! It was going apeshit and it scared the shit out of young Kirk--------------

So yes, that story was made up, I don't live anywhere near turkeys and never intend to, but imagine this scene vividly and I think you'll agree that you'd be fucking mentally scared. And anyways, what the fuck is up with all that extra skin on their head? Looks like they're covered in strawberry hubba-bubba, the fucking bell-ends.
"Oy.......George....where'd you get that hubba-bubba?"

"I didn't, it's my bloody head isn't it! Your head's the same, Teddy."
"Whatever George." (strolls on cockily. George was an unpopular turkey and nobody really listened to him that much to be honest).

But I've detracted from the point. The actual incident when I got terrified by a turkey is when I was on an English holiday (classic) in some seaside place and we stayed in a farm, and they only had a fucking great turkey patrolling around didn't they. Yeah so he fuckin' chased me and made this mental noise. Never forgave the dickhead farmer for that. But yet it makes every Christmas dinner all the sweeter. Over and out.